We’ve Got a Problem

In the New Testament there is a solid, clear, easy to follow theology of suffering. It’s one that, like God, does not destroy evil. Rather it defeats the power of evil.

Problem: In most cases we ignore this path that is laid out for us.

On our own and in a perfectly natural, logical and “sane” manner, we do everything we can to avoid being hurt by others. Many who have been hurt by those closest to them even develop and live by a new creed, “I will never allow myself to be hurt again.”

Problem:
This is 180 degrees in the opposite direction from the path that Jesus took.
This is 180 degrees in the opposite direction from the path down which Jesus said, “Follow Me.”

Because of that, if we follow the path of avoiding relational pain, we will also miss the ONLY path that leads to emotional and spiritual health.

Hated without cause, mocked, lied to and lied about. Jesus, our example and character goal, came to earth knowing in advance that He would be abused, misunderstood, mistreated, rejected, insulted, betrayed and ultimately have humanity do our absolute worst to Him. Yet He entered into a covenant relationship with us anyway because He loves us. And then Jesus said, “Pick up your cross and follow Me (be like Me, do what I did, act like I did, relate to others like I did).

This is just one more of the many paradoxes of Christianity. Give up in order to get. Die in order to live. Lose in order to win. And the reason we’re told to do this is because, as it turns out, real life and real living, the abundant life, the full life is actually found down this path of pain. Sounds masochistic? How can it be? It’s what our Saviour lived for us and tells us to live as well - for Him. And because He loves us we can trust His advice, take His advice, live His advice. Those who have done this, those who have gone on before us tell us things like, “That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2nd Corinthians 2:10.

People who avoid relational pain are attempting to become strong, to become remain safe. However, like everything else we do because of our fallen nature, we do practically the opposite of what will work. The creed, “I will never allow myself to be hurt again” does not, in fact protect us from being hurt again. It cannot. All it does is create walls that shut people out and as a result causes even more and longer term pain.

Now, is it hard to do; to follow Jesus down this path? It will probably be the most painful thing that you’ve done to date. You will literally feel as though God is asking you to die inside. You will feel as though it’s too hard, too much, too unfair.

You’re not alone. You’re not the first.

“For we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about the affliction and oppressing distress which befell us in [the province of] Asia, how we were so utterly and unbearably weighed down and crushed that we despaired even of life itself (or as some think “we longed to die). Indeed, we felt within ourselves that we had received the very sentence of death but that was to keep us from trusting in and depending on ourselves instead of on God Who raises the dead.” 2nd Corinthians 1:8,9.

Dying to self in a healthy manner can only be done with the help and strength of Jesus your Saviour, but O my what dividends it pays in the area of emotional / mental / spiritual health.

In contradiction to the verse just quoted, many people distort 1st Corinthians 10:13 and say that God will NOT give us more than we can bear.
1. This verse is talking about temptation. God will give us an out from that which is tempting us.
2. God most certainly gives us more than we can bear or handle because only then are we driven to our knees in utter dependence upon Him.

Jesus cried out “My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?” He fell on His face in the garden in utter despair of ever escaping the path set before Him. His stress and agony was so great that a medical condition call hematidrosis set in whereby “In great anguish, He prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.” He called out, “Please don’t make Me go through with this . . . BUT if this is what you want Me to endure, then endure it I will - for Your sake.”

And there lies the secret. We are not called to, and we must not give in to the temptation to endure relational pain in order to “change” the other person. THAT is what leads to our emotional breakdown. Rather, “In all things, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory and honour of the Lord.” Do this, for this reason and the evil intent of others cannot destroy you. You will become stronger than you ever imagine possible. “Those who wait upon the Lord are like Mount Zion, unmoved by any circumstance.”

If I was asked to give the single most important interpersonal /spiritual / life changing principle that I’ve learned so far, this would be it. Grab hold of Jesus hand, and with eyes wide open and chest bared to the blast, step into the pain. Wade into the pain that others are about to throw at you and if you do this, not on your own but with your Lord and Saviour as your Guide, Counsellor and Comforter, you WILL come out the other side stronger than you ever imagined possible.

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.” Isaiah 43:1,2

That is why those who have gone down this path are able to say with confidence, “If God is for me, who can be against me? What can mere man do to me?” “No, in all these things (trials, suffering, difficulties) we are more than conquerors, through Him who loved us.”