Losing My Religion

Several months ago some atheist told me that I might be a Christian now, but one day I’d be an ex Christian. At the time I thought he was an idiot. Well -

The fact is, by this time next year I’m going to belong to that religion that thinks it’s wrong to put up Christmas trees. I can't remember what the religion is called but I know it's out there. My hair cutter used to be one of them. She's dead now - from cancer. I don't think she got it from being against Christmas trees. Anyhow, I'm finding a way out of this horrible ritual.

This year, while lifting the tree off the shelf in the garage, I was this close to coming off the top of the ladder. Even though it breaks down into three pieces, the stupid tree weighs just about as much as me. Lifting it back onto the shelf yesterday made me feel like one of those Strongest Man contestants on Spike tv, staggering through the sand with a full keg of beer.

To be fair, our tree has built-in lights that work every year and I am truly grateful.

But never mind that.

Christianity loves Christmas trees. I hate putting them up.

AND taking them down!

These are irreconcilable differences.

I used to think those anti-Christmas Tree people were a bunch of spiritual kooks. Not so - it’s a stroke of genius to come up with,"God says it's bad to have a Christmas Tree." And the verse they use from the Old Testament about not going out to the forest to cut down trees to decorate them.

How did they find that?

Sure it has nothing to do with Christmas trees, sure it’s about idols, but the kids don’t know that!

Nope, I’m done lugging that thing around. And to do it, I’m losing my religion.