I'm reading a really good book on marriage and came across this quote by C.S.Lewis. The context is addressing our demand for retaining freedom even as we marry another.

"Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to a pet. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable,impenetrable, irredeemable, The alternative to tragedy or at least to the risk of tragedy is self-damnation."

Our culture makes individual freedom, autonomy, and fulfillment, the very highest values, and thoughtful people know deep down that any love relationship at all means the loss of all three.