Doing Sex Right!

“When a man takes a new wife, he is not to go out with the army or be given any business or work duties. He gets one year off simply to be at home learning how to make his wife happy. ”
Deuteronomy 24:5

From the perspective of Marriage Counselling, that is really, really good advice. We men are notoriously poor lovers. That’s mostly because we’re profoundly different than our wives in our sexual needs and expectations. And because we’re so selfish and self-centred, a year is just barely enough time for men to become the kind of lovers their wives need and deserve.

In an episode from “The Office” Michael says, “I like sex, particularly near the end.”

That pretty much describes the dilemma right there. Some women are like Michael. Others, in a desperate, pathetic, pitiful need for male attention and approval, attempt to mimic the sexual desires and habits of men. Regardless, nearly all men are terribly goal oriented when it comes to sex. They want to get to the good stuff as fast a possible. This is especially true if they’ve spent years immersed in porn and masturbation. When that’s the case, men come out believing that they’re pretty good lovers since their fantasy partner is always deeply satisfied. While women are certainly capable of strong fantasies, their desires within the context of a marriage are simply different than men.

Instead of Michael Scott’s idea of sex, a woman is more likely to say, “I like sex, particularly the actions throughout the week or day leading up to intercourse. When that’s happened I like sex at the beginning and during intercourse. When that's happened, I really like sex at orgasm and especially the holding afterward.”

Michael Scott may have funny lines but . . .

I’ve long noticed and it’s well documented in study after study that those who have a strong spirituality within the context of Christianity report a superior sex life compared to those adrift in the secular realm. There are many reasons for this but one of them is -

“Researchers who have studied the neurochemical processes in the human brain have noted that the passion leading to spiritual fervour and the passion leading to sexual activity stem from the same kind of physiological chemistry. Though in distinct but parallel channels, spirituality and sexuality are separated by a wall thin enough for a strange osmosis to occur.”
Marshall Shelley, Leadership Magazine.

Don’t depend too much on that osmosis. Take the time to learn how to make your wife happy. Jesus took special care to include women in the founding of His Kingdom and there are several dozen verses in the Bible (including the one above), where men are told to adjust our thoughts, attitudes and behaviours so that we adapt to the special needs, longings and desires of women.

Get it right man and quit pretending that you know it all when in reality, you know next to nothing.