A
spokesperson for U.S. Air Marshals, complaining that no passenger has
been shot on board any airplane in over 12 years is saying, “If my
boys don't get some action within the next six weeks, they're walking
off the job – Once the planes have landed”
"Inducing “limited action” in exchange for retaining the
presence of, and reducing the discontent of Air Marshals is not such
a bad deal,” says President Obama.
Taking credit for allowing
weapons of limited size on board U.S. and U.S. bound planes, Mr. O
explains, “The odds of these weapons actually severing a femoral
artery or jugular vein are quite low. The blades on these little
knives are actually quite hard to open unless you haven't cut your
fingers nails for like, weeks, and it's my understanding that Muslims have to cut their
finger nails every day. So I got to thinking, if these poor guys, the
Marshals I mean, who are absorbing huge amounts of radiation
travelling back and forth across the country actually get to shoot
someone once in awhile, well, the obvious benefit of this trade-off
is worth it.”
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