Hugo - Did You Read This?

CNN - Juarez Mexico: March 4, 2011.

Sanitation officials in Juarez Mexico are fed up with bodies in the street. Carlos Mendez, President of the Sanitation Workers of Juarez said in an interview with Anderson Cooper, “The flies, the stench, gack!”

In an effort to remedy the situation, Mendez said that in addition to Grey Garbage bins that are picked up once a week, and Blue bins for glass and plastics that are picked up every two weeks and Green bins for paper and cardboard that are picked up every three weeks, new Beige bins will now be distributed to households in Juarez for bodies. “Three specially designated trucks will cover our city every day. If you’ve killed someone or even several people, our new extra capacity bins should help keep Juarez appealing and friendly looking so the tourists come back. I mean, as it is, the stink of these bloated bodies is unbearable, gack!

When Anderson Cooper asked if this wasn’t actually promoting or at least condoning murder, and would make teenagers more likely to commit murder, Mendez took exception. “You Americans are too judgmental. Adapting to changing social conditions will do nothing but remove the unfair stigma from those who are forced, through no fault of their own, to kill those they don’t like. Besides, it’s good for kids to build up muscles and burn calories by helping mom or dad lift those stinking bodies into the bins. It’s dead weight you know,” Mendez said, obviously please with his pun. “Anyhow, we’ve made the bins low profile so personal injury doesn’t take place by lifting obese dead guys. The fat ones stink worse than skinny ones. They attract more flies too, gack!”

Mendez said that it will be up to residents to rinse out their own garbage bins and scrub any blood from their driveways. “Blood attracts flies. I hate flies! Gack!”