So You Want To Work With Christians?

It just doesn’t seem right for a Christian to look for ways to not love brothers and sisters in Christ; to reject direct commands from God Himself to love others.

People come to me and ask what I would do, or what they should do with a difficult person in their lives, often a family member.

I tell clients, “If it was me I know that God would remind me of 1st Corinthians 13.
“Love does not keep a record of wrongs.
Love is patient with others.
Love forgives.”
God is forever reminding me of these. I’m sure I’m not the only one.”

They look at me for a bit and then return to reading from the record of wrongs that they'd written down and seem prepared to not forgive.
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I tell clients, “It cannot be right for a Christian to think, ‘I can’t treat you with love until you become a different sort of person.’

They look at me for a few seconds and then go right on hating that person.”
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I tell clients, “When you hear yourself saying, “I tried being kind and loving but s/he’s still the same,” you really weren’t being kind nor were you interested in expressing love. You were manipulating.”

I might get, “Oh good insight,” but they are really thinking of someone else who they think should hear that message.
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I tell clients, “I’ve had to learn to not hold anyone else to a higher standard of performance than I hold for myself.”

Is that too abstract? ‘Cause I gotta tell you, they don’t get the hint.
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I tell clients, “Jesus, our example and character goal, came to earth knowing in advance that He would be abused, misunderstood, mistreated, rejected, insulted, betrayed and ultimately have humanity do our absolute worst to Him. Yet He entered into a covenant relationship with us anyway because He loves us. And then Jesus said, “Pick up your cross and follow Me (be like Me, do what I did, act like I did), in your relationship with others.”

Nothin!
No impact.
Same behaviours of anger, and bitterness and judging and unforgiveness.
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I ask clients, “What’s the point of our existence on earth? And what does God do to help us bring this about?” I explain that the answer to the first question is found in Romans 8:28,29. “For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son. . .” We’re here to become like Jesus and Jesus did not hate His enemies. He forgave those who were hating Him. He prayed for those who hurt Him - more than that, with an overflowing love He forgave those who tortured Him to death.

Don’t you long to have that kind of inner strength?”

What I get is, "No not really."

In answer to the second question I explain to clients, “God brings / allows difficult people and events to come into our lives that raise to the surface the most disgusting / immature aspects of our characters. Our fears / insecurities, our irritability / anger / rage and bitterness, our dependencies / addictions, our selfishness and corrupt self-love and unwillingness to forgive. God puts us into impossible situations so that we are forced to call out to Him for help. Sorrow, loss, tragedy, pain and so on are not wasted during our time on earth. They are not useless byproducts of living in a fallen world. All these things are used by God to change us. We never “arrive” so to speak. As Christians we are always beginning again. We can always have less anger, less judgmentalism, more love, more grace, more mercy.”

I plead with clients, “Please ask God to highlight areas of needed change that YOU need to make.”

It’s hopeless. Unless God builds the house our labours are in vain.
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I describe to people the freedom to be found in allowing people to be who they are - liars, cheats, scoundrels - you name it - and to love them anyway.

So determined are they to continue fighting that none of this sinks in.

Why is that?
Here’s my answer.

I’m talking to baby Christians:
. There is no way that you can obey God in the big things if you haven’t been obeying Him in the small things.
. You can’t honour God in the big things if you haven’t been honouring Him in the small things.
. You can’t submit to God in the big things if you haven’t been submitting to Him in the small things.

Just like you’ll never lift 80 kgs if you’ve never learned to lift 50, 60, and 70 kgs, you’ll never be able to follow Jesus in the areas that hurt the most if you’ve never learned to follow Him in the areas that hurt just a little.