Store up for yourselves treasures in Heaven
where moth and rust cannot destroy and thieves cannot break in and steal
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
I'm Stuck! No You're Not!
friends Holly and Rafael used to own a bed with a metal headboard.
You've perhaps seen the kind; bent tubing outer frame, with five or
six vertical bars going from left to right, or right to left,
depending on your preference.
the story goes, Holly (affectionately known in her pre marriage days
as horizontal Holly) and Rafael are um, how shall I say – well –
they're making love. Rafael, refuses to medicate his bi-polar
disorder rendering him extravagantly romantic,
impractical and rashly unpredictable. Tonight he ismaintaining his pattern of doing
everything with great enthusiasm. The bed is rocking, his wife is
squeaking, or his wife is rocking and the bed is squeaking, depending
on your preference, when Holly, a woman of some intellect notices an
the matter?” she asks.
stuck,” replies Rafi with a fair bit of surprise and just a hint of
you're not,” offers a perennially sanguine
Holly. She squeaks and rocks, in an attempt to get
things back up to speed.
you are not stuck. I've had three kids. It is not physically possible
for you to be stuck.
that kind of stuck. My head. My head is stuck between the pipes.”
enough. While both Rafael and Holly are atheists, the position of
missionaries was chosen for this occasion. This allowed, if not
precisely caused, Rafi's head to ram straight between two of the
vertical aluminium pipes. Upon expanding enough to let his head
through, these cheap flutes immediately closed back with vice like
strength to hold him tight behind the temples.
Rafael is not a small man, neither is he a man of little strength.
However, the physical position of his body made it simply impossible
to extricate his noggin, while holding himself up at the same time.
Holly had to remove herself from under her husband. She went to the
garage (a feat of some courage while naked in the winter in
Saskatchewan in an unheated garage), and found a short block of 4x4
and a large pry bar. Through fits of laughter (from both parties)
Holly managed to spread the pipes. As his big, bald, bean re
experienced the sensation of it's own physical birthing, and while
struggling to maintain consciousness through searing pain, Rafi is
certain he heard a far off voice, “You're coming. Pull out! Pull
out!” This triggered in Rafi a vague nostalgic memory which, Rafi
says, warmed him and created
sentimental feelings of love for Holly.
Rafael sat on the edge of the bed, stared blankly at the wall
opposite, while ruminating on the sheer strangeness of life.