Will You Love . . .?

In words from one of Philip Yancey’s books, today, “My wife and I were discussing my shortcomings in a highly spirited manner.”

Wendy and I have been together for 40 years. We haven’t argued much in that time but we’ve had occasion to remember that our wedding vows did NOT say

- Do you love? but

- WILL you love - in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse . . .”

The question is phrased that way, of course, because that is the nature of true love - agape love.

“Love is a principle of action, and it expresses itself by deeds which please the object loved.”
Arthur W. Pink

Agape love, God’s love for us and the love that we are expected to live out for our spouses is the willed, desired, volitional decision to treat someone with loving behaviours unconditionally.

If I were to ask you, Why do you love your spouse? how would you answer? If your list of reasons is long, extending from s/he’s talented to good looking to hard working to faithful etc. OR even if your list is short, my next question is this. If that is WHY you love your spouse, what will happen if any or all of those attributes diminish, disappear or cease to exist?

IF that is why you love your spouse, you really don’t love your spouse. If that's why you're in a relationship, it means that you’re in the relationship for what you can get out of it. Love is a decision; it’s a commitment. The rest is a bonus.

Good sex.
Beauty.
Humour.

Nothing wrong with any of that but if that is what forms the basis of your love, then your relationship is in a precarious position.

I’ve had dozens of clients come to me and tell me, “I don’t love my husband / wife anymore.” What they are really saying is, “I never really made the decision to love my spouse in the first place.” For a marriage to last, physical attraction and such will not be enough. Good looks turn to wrinkles. Passionate sex turns to, um, something different. Stress depletes humour. Repetitive stories grind the nerves.

Agape love is a commitment that sees things through to the end. That is why Paul can say in Romans that nothing - NOTHING - can separate us from God’s love for us. (Romans 8:38,39).

This is the kind of love that God promises to grow in us as we are conformed to the image of Jesus, (Romans 8:29) This, in fact is the “good” that He promises to bring about "In all things," that are spoken of in verse 28. This kind of love “Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things,” (1st Corinthians 13:7).

Will I love? Oh yes. And I’m confident that my wife will love me as well, despite my shortcomings. Since a commitment to love is such a vital topic to the survival of not just our relationships but the world itself, I think I’m going to begin a series on the subject.

We’re off to the lake again tomorrow, but when I get back . . .