Love Is . . .

I can’t remember the singer’s name but a line in her song, “Love is - What you want it to be.”

As we look at the state of the world, it appears that a lot of people agree with her.

And some old singer from back in the day, Tina Turner sang, “What’s love but a second hand emotion.”

Our Creator, who IS Love tells us that true love, His love, is not an emotion at all. For emotions cannot be commanded and yet He commands us to love others. Nor is love open for personal definition. Love isn’t just whatever you want it to be.

Jesus said, “A new command I give you. Love one another as I have loved you.”

If you think about it, that’s a bit weird. The Biblical command regarding loving others goes all the way back to Leviticus and Deuteronomy - several thousand years before Jesus came into the world.

So what’s new about His command?

Well, notice that Jesus tacked on, “As I love you.” That my friend is HUGE. That kind of love is so different, so counterintuitive compared to what we naturally understand love to be, that Jesus also said,

“They will know you belong to Me because you love one another [as I love you].”

Why? What’s so different about how Jesus loves us? How is that love different than the love that we as humans normally give?

True love is patient and kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, in fact it keeps no record of wrongs. Real Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. True Love never fails.
1st Corinthians 13:1-8.

The definition of love above is how Jesus loves.

I couldn’t tell you how many people, divorcing people, who’ve told me that they still “love” the person they’re abandoning while their actions and thoughts bear zero resemblance to the above definition.

The love of God is tenacious, relentless and even aggressive in nature. This love never backs down. “The gates of hell will not be able to stand against it.” The love that God places within us will not allow another person’s improper actions to deflect us from our goal, from our destiny to treat our enemies with love, to do good to those who hate us, to pray for those who persecute us.

Are you rolling your eyes yet? I don’t blame you if you do. There are a lot of people who call themselves christians who are a long, long way from displaying this kind of love. I work with them every day in counselling. “My wrong behaviours are your fault,” seems to be the order of the day for many, many christians. No wonder people sneer at the Church and at those who walk through its doors every week.

Still not convinced that God’s Love is different than worldly love?

Here’s what worldly love says.

"I tried to love h/her and be kind to h/him, but it didn’t work," so: They stoped trying.

. They walk away from the relationship.
. They divorce their spouse.

Reality is, when we try loving someone and they stay the same so we walk away, we weren’t loving or being kind - we were manipulating and controlling.

For a follower or disciple of Jesus, we offer love and allow the other person(s) the freedom to accept or reject that love.


True love never fails.

“But that’s not fair!” I hear it all the time, and I think.

Yes - And?

If love had something to do with fair Jesus would have never come to earth to provide for a forgiven and healed relationship with our Creator. Jesus, our example and character goal, came to earth knowing in advance that He would be abused, misunderstood, mistreated, rejected, insulted, betrayed and ultimately have humanity do our absolute worst to Him. Yet He entered into a covenant relationship with us anyway because He loves us. And then Jesus said, “Pick up your cross and follow Me (be like Me, do what I did, act like I did), in your relationship with others.”

“But then I’m just giving in.”

Trust me. Trying loving as Jesus commands and you’ll soon see that it’s a long, long way from doing nothing or from just giving in.

“But that kind of love isn't even humanly possible?”

No, it isn’t.

“But then the person is getting away with doing what’s wrong.”

Really?

Have you ever read Romans 12:17-21? "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is Mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

So what difference does this make in our lives and what’s love got to do with it, do with it, do with it? Trusting that things will be made right and just in the end is exactly what allows us to love unconditionally now. The apostle Paul writes in his letter to a friend named Timothy, “Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done.” This is the same Paul who said, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Nobody is going to get away with anything. Those who are filled with the Spirit of their Lord and Saviour do not grieve as those who have no hope. Neither do we love as those who have no hope. We know that we serve a perfectly Just, Righteous and Loving God. It is not up to us to set things right here on earth. In fact changing other people is beyond what we are able to do. Nor do we need to change or fix or transform other people.

We are here on earth to love others - period.

It is God’s job to set things right. It is the Holy Spirit who changes other people’s hearts - and ours.

That’s doesn’t mean that we don’t work for peace. However Paul acknowledges, "as far as it is up to YOU, live in peace with everyone."

Now, Hugo the atheist says that we can just decide to love our enemies, those who hate us and persecute us. He says that all that's needed is to throw in a little self-effort and ding dong, we'll possess the ability to love others even as God loves us. Well, maybe Hugo can do that but I couldn’t and neither can anyone else that I know well.

So how does God “put in” this kind of love? He hammers it in, pounds it in, He grinds it into our character.

God brings / allows difficult people and events to come into our lives that raise to the surface the most disgusting / immature aspects of our characters. Our fears and insecurities, our irritability / anger / rage and bitterness, our dependencies / addictions, our selfishness and corrupt self-love and unwillingness to forgive.

These are the things that God wants us to remove from our lives! And when He does, what’s left is the ability to love as He loves.

When we have a difficult spouse, or boss, or parent, or co worker, or neighbour, when we lose our job, or our child dies, or our house burns to the ground, when the spot on the lung shows up in the x ray, when the character traits described above rise to the surface, those of us in a healed relationship with God find Him saying,

“Look! Look! This kind of behaviour is not acceptable for someone who calls h/herself a Christian. Here it is for all to see. Let Me help transform and conform you into the image of your Lord and Saviour Jesus the Christ” - Romans 8:29.

The prevailing characteristics of Jesus (found in Galatians 5:22-23) is headed by Love, and Love is defined above. The worst thing we can do is take what God highlights in our lives and ignore it or tolerate or justify it by pointing out what’s wrong in some other person’s life. The trick is to repent of what He has brought to light and let Him deliver on His promise of making us a New Creation.

God puts us into impossible situations so that we are forced to call out to Him for help. Contrary to popular opinion, God does give us more than we can handle (See 2nd Corinthians 1:9). Family conflict, sorrow, loss, tragedy, pain and so on are not wasted during our time on earth. They are not useless byproducts of living in a fallen world. All these things are used by God to change us. We never “arrive” so to speak. As Christians we are always beginning again. We can always have less anger, less judgmentalism, more grace, more mercy and more real love.